How do you love someone? one direction
by amyaimless
Summary: This is just a short story I've made in 3 days, it's a bit toooo dramatic I know.. but anyways tell me what you think, and please don't mind the grammar cause I'm dutch actually.. ;D xxx


**How do you love someone?**

**Preface:**

_I'm all out of faith, __his is how I feel  
I'm cold and I am shamed, lying naked on the floor  
Illusion never changed, into something real  
I'm wide awake, and I can see the perfect sky is torn  
You're a little late, i'm already torn.._

'Chelsea, dear are you ready? The plane is leaving in an hour!'

'I'm coming!'

This is it, were leaving forever, I can't believe it. All because of him, the dirty bastard ruined everything. My whole life depended on him, he destroyed me, my mom, my sister.. nothings left of how it used to be. I could kill him, maybe I just should.. I'm capable of it, he makes me so angry, he at least owes us an apology but no, sick ****.

But I don't care.. I don't.. I really don't.. well ofcourse I do, I just don't wanna think about it.

'Chelsea! Honey hurry up were gonna miss the plane!'.

I grab my final things together and give one last glance into my empty room before leaving.

Once were in the car my mom won't stop telling me and my sis how great this is gonna be, a new start. I'm just not sure if I'm ready for this, to leave everything behind like this.

_Well you couldn't be that man I adored, you don't seem to know or seem to care what your heart is for__, well I don't know him anymore, there's nothing where he used to lie, my inspiration has run dry._

**Chapter one:**

Start of something new.

Finally, we arrived at the airport, I'm starting to realise that I no longer can say I live in Berlin, I know am a inhabitant of Wolverhampton, well in a couple of hours.

I must admit I'm gonna miss my old friends and school, but a side of me is relieved. I no longer have to be afraid, maybe mom was right.. this is good, I shouldn't life in the past.

I just wanna be happy, in order for me to get there I should let go, but I'm just holding on to tightly to what happened.

'Miss, can I help you with something, maybe a drink?', I roughly get interrupted by a women, seemingly a stewardess.

'Eh, a ginger ale would be nice please'.

'Ok, and how about you?', she asks while looking at my mom and Jennifer, my sister, with a smile as fake as can be.

'Jen and I would like the same as Chel, so 3 ginger ale's that is!', my mom normally calls us by that, I'm not sure when she started it.. but anyways, she seems really happy.. that's a good sign, maybe everything will turn out great for us, after all my mom deserves it.

I put in my earplugs and slowly everything starts to fade.

'Chel, wake up! Were here!', it's Jennifer, I appreciate her waking me up but I'd rather have her not shaking me like a spastic person.

'Damn girl, could you not shake me like that?'.

'Damn girl, could you for once not be that bad-tempered?' she replies.

I stand up as I roll my eyes, gladly our luggage is brought by a friend of my mom, who lives here in Wolverhampton. Im guessing that's the reason we moved to Wolverhampton, I mean I'd rather go to New York. I'm sure Jen thinks of that the same way..

Suddenly I realise we never got our ginger ale's, bastards.

Once we got of the plane, we had to wait for my moms friend.

'Rebbeca Van der Woodsen! Unbelievable, you look stunning!'

'Oh my god, Lane, Lane Payne, is that really you? Long time no see! Girl you look stunning as well!', my mom replies, shouting like a crazy teenager.

The only thing I could think of, well you really don't wanna know. But who the hell calls het daughter Lane Payne? My life is like a cheesy drama movie about a teenager going trough ****, and now starting over with her family. Well, family? We no longer have the dad picture.. no not again Chelsea, control it, you want to be happy that's all.

'You must be Chelsea then!', she looks at me with a big smile after hugging Jennifer and telling her how pretty she is. That's all? You must be Chelsea then? Am I THAT ugly?

'You're just as beautiful as your lovely sister!', yeah sure, liar.

'Oh well thank you!', I reply while putting on my best fake smile.

'You know I have a son your age! Maybe you know him? Liam Payne? He's in this boy band called One Direction! I'm sure you know them.. he's gorgeous! He'd be just perfect for you!'. Damn women, enough with the bragging, why didn't she just call him Lame instead of Liam.

I know, she's just trying to be friendly and stuff, I'm just going trough a lot I so I'm quite moody lately I admit.

'Oh I'm sure he is! Shall we go now?'.

'Ofcourse my dear! Let's go, hop in the car!'.

Here we go.

**Chapter two: **

Run.

'It's huge!', my sister keeps yelling how awesome our new house is, that she wants the biggest bedroom. I'm jealous. Not of her getting the bigger room, but nothing seems to infect her. She seems bulletproof, she never cries, after all we been trough it's like I'm in it alone.

As id she can read my mind, she instantly shuts her mouth and offers me the bigger room. I just smile, and tell her she can have it.

'Okay, cool.. but don't change your mind eh!'.

'No, trust me I won't, sister'.

'I'm right beside you sis, you know that right? I'm here for you'.

'I know'.

I know she is, it just doesn't feel that way, it feels like she doesn't understand.. like she had a choice to pick either feeling happy or feeling torn, obviously she choose to feel happy and I'm left torn. I just have no faith anymore.

Maybe it our these depressing thoughts that make me feel the way I do, I should probably just TRY to be happy.

'Mom you never mentioned how massive this house is, how can we ever afford this?', I ask her while unpacking.

'Don't you dare worrying about that, it's al set! So tell me, you like it hmm?'.

'I sure do mom, I sure do'.

'Hey that Liam kid offered to help with decorating and painting and stuff! I think it would be could for you to you know.. get a boyfriend, he seems really nice just letting you know'.

'Mom please, I really cannot use that right now, besides I've never had a boyfriend before, boys just don't seem that in to me'.

'That's not true Chelsea, you know that. How many boys have asked you out till now? A gazillion, but YOU never seem to be in to them. Just saying, maybe you should give him a chance, or at least give boys a chance'.

'Whatever, it's not like he's gonna fall in love whit me when he sees me and immediately ask me out! Maybe he won't even like me, or maybe he'll fall for Jennifer'.

'That's true, but were having dinner at Lane's place, I'm not sure he'll be there tough you might consider putting on a nice dress or something'.

'Mom stop it okay! I'm not gonna dress up for that stupid dinner with that stupid friend of yours and I'm defiantly not gonna date her stupid son!'.

'Chelsea! You do not talk about her nor her son that way! Do you even know how much she has done for us? Now go, I don't wanna see you until six, and you better be ready by then'.

I feel bad, I shouldn't of said that, it's just my mom never understands when to stop.

Great, it's almost six, I should probably put on something nice or at least work on my hair and make-up. My mom would appreciate it.

Half an hour further, I'm waiting down stairs for my sister and mom dressed in a short black dress with a lace transparent pattern on the back and at the front of my chest. I first wanted to wear sandals and flats but what the hell I might as well put on heels now. My brown long hair is falling straight down my face, I put on some dark mysterious eye make-up which compliments my blue eyes.

This Liam guy better be worthy.

**Chapter three:**

My heart is numb, has no feeling.

'Chelsea, my dear! You look fabulous! Same for you Jennifer, and my lovely Rebecca!'.

'Thank you! You have a gorgeous home', I try to be polite, but she really needs to cut the excessively niceness.

'Ah, thanks my dear, you know Liam can be home any minute! He was just practising with his band!'.

'That's great!', no it's not, it's awful, but I'll keep that to me.

And as I keep on further thinking how bad this is gonna get I hear the door latch, must be him..

'Mom? Are they here ye.. oh hello! Your probably Chelsea?', I hear him asking my sister with a big smirk.

Shell I turn around? I'm kinda wondering how he looks like.. he has a nice voice, very deep, I can understand why he's in a band.

'No.. I'm Jennifer! That's Chelsea!'.

I feel their eyes burning trough my back. I should probably turn around.. oh my good lord! #($*&$*(%^#*(%&)%A*&% damn! He's hot! Like, really hot!

For a second I seem to forget everything and everybody, mom never mentioned him being this good looking. I feel myself turning red as he reaches his hand out, he has such a gorgeous smile, and those perfect chocolate brown eyes..

'Chelsea? You still there?'.

'Oh I'm sorry, I'm Chelsea nice to meet you', I stumble while shaking his fairly big manly hand, he's surprisingly muscular for someone his age. Love it.

My bad-temper seems so be totally gone, although I sometimes still get reminded of it, but so far it's been a fairly nice evening.

'So what's your band like?', I ask Liam.

'Well, I think their absolutely lovely! I'm really glad X Factor formed us as a group, their wonderful you should really meet them!', again with the X Factor.. I wonder how far he came?

'Sounds great! How far did you guys get anyway?'.

'Were still in it actually, it's not over quite yet, were in the semi-finals now'.

'Semi-finals! You must be pretty good then', I said trying not to sound flirty.

'I don't know.. I guess, you should come watch us sometime and judge yourself!', oh hell no.

'Eh.. yeah, it's just not great timing so I'll probably won't make it this month'.

'I totally understand, I could help you with your room.. if you want ofcourse', oh why not.

'That'd be really cool! Thanks'.

'Okay then, I could drop by tomorrow? I'm free anyways'.

'Sure, which school do you go to?'.

'I get homeschooled, I used to go to Nothicote, have you picked a school already? Summers almost over you know'.

'Yeah, I did, I'm not sure how it's called really'.

'Liam, Chelsea, I'm sorry to interrupt but we have to go Chel', my mom said.

'Chel hmm? I like that, might call you that way!', Liam replied.

'I don't know about that! See you around then?'

'You sure will Chel!', I just smiled at him.

**Chapter four: **

I can see the heavens, but I still feel the flames.

A couple weeks have passed, Liam comes around quite often, everything is settled. My room turned out just the way I wanted.

Though I have a problem, I'm falling for Liam. Head over heals. It's awful, I really didn't wanted it to happen. I'm not the person to love, not even to like. I defiantly like him though.

I could never tell him, I'm sure of that, I could never be with him, trust him, love him.

Especially after what happened with my somewhat father figure, I banned the thought of him, but I cannot be heart broken again. I know, cliché right? Schools starting in two weeks.. I hope that will get my mind of Liam, he's perfect you know. Simply perfect. I tried to avoid him, he didn't understand why I wouldn't go out with him, or at least return his texts/calls.

Boys never understand, men never understand.

Though Liam is different, it's not just chemistry, when were together, were one buzzing energy. When we collide we come together, but when I'm not near to him I feel different. Which scares me, he makes me vulnerable. I hate to love. I never told my mom I loved her, not even my sister. The only person in the world I once told I did, was my 'dad', and look where that brought me? Love leads to pain, a whole lot of pain.

What I feel for Liam is not just a teenage fling. I know that, I just don't wanna.

When he touches me, just the slightest touch makes me burn inside, I'm not sure if he feels the same. This one time, a week ago, we were doing the final things for my room. It was just so still, I could hear my heart beat. I'm pretty sure he heard it to, it went so fast I thought I was getting a heart attack.

I never felt this way before, I don't now how to deal with it.

Before everything with my so called dad happened, I was like a hurricane, but now I just feel like a gust of wind. But when I'm with Liam.. it's like I'm the old me again. But I just can't trust him with my heart, my soul. I'm afraid of how easily he lights me up, so I keep my feelings in the dark. Can't believe I became a shell of myself, I used to be unstoppable, moved as fast as an avalanche but now I'm stuck so deep in the passed. I wish I had the ability to forget it all, or forgive him what happened, this way I will never be happy. Is there even a way out? I feel so held down. He still rules my world, even though he's not around anymore. I wish I could just wake up, grow strong and go on.

Could Liam be my saviour? Is he strong enough? Would he stick around no matter what?

No, I don't think so, I shouldn't even think of him it makes everything just worse.

My mom is mad at me because I wont give it a go, she says I glow everytime I'm with Liam.

That's just great, isn't there anybody who understands?

Jennifer also already had a million guys, I think she had every guy in Wolverhampton by now, except for Liam, ofcourse.

Liam.. maybe I should just give it a go? I mean, who am I living for anyways? I'm halfway trough this process, could he slow it down? Well.. in fact he could make it start all over.

Maybe this is just a phase, maybe I could get used to being loved and loving back.

But not right now, I'm not ready for it, it would all get worse.

It's for the best I avoid him, even though he gives me that hummingbird heartbeat.

**Chapter five:**

How do you love someone?

_I've walked around broken, emotionally frozen__._

_I've walked around hoping, just barely coping.  
Getting it on, get it wrong._

_How do you love someone without getting hurt?  
How do you love someone, without crawling in the dark.  
So far in my life clouds have blocked the sun._

_How do you love someone?_

It's been awhile since the last time Liam has come by, school is starting in a week now. I still think about him, everyday. How can it be he gives me that feeling, that feeling I only felt before I got totally of track?

I wanna get out of this cage I'm in, it feels like im suffocating and just can't breath.

Maybe I should just break these chains, and take control, I wanna be set free.

'Mom, I need to go'.

'Oh sweetheart where do you need to go?'.

'I need to go, get away, be by myself, figure myself out'.

'I'm not quite sure what you mean?'.

'Like I said, I need to get away from everyone, be by myself'.

'How dare you even say that? After everything I did just to make you happy? We moved a thousand miles away, how more away do you want! Are you totally out of your mind! You don't respect me at all do you? You just think about yourself that's all! And how about my feelings?', I've never seen her this mad, I can see she's fighting not to cry, I'm in the same position.

'Mom, I need it', that didn't come out as strong as I hoped it would.

'Fine, you wanna get away? You go, but don't you dare coming back before apologizing, let's see how far you'll get, you have nothing, no money, nothing'.

I wish I could say she was wrong, but she just doesn't seem to understand, I honestly don't know where to go to, I packed up a little and just left. I don't even know where Jennifer is, I wonder if mom does. Gladly it's not too cold outside. I just start walking, and I keep walking, walking, walking and walking until I realise what a mess I actually am, I collapse onto a bench and start crying. It seems like hours when I hear a familiar deep voice. Liam.

I feel his warm body next to mine, he pulls me in a hug, I just keep crying with my head on his shoulder. How did I sink this deep? I wasn't even aware of the pain I held deep in.

I feel like I'm hanging by a thread, a long way down, trying to breath but fighting for air. Im at an all time low with no place to go.

Liam, he seems to hear what I say when I don't even say a word.

He seems to know how it hurts when everything is falling apart, and it seems like the whole world is crashing down at your feet. He makes me feel beautiful when I have nothing left to prove, and can't imagine how I'd make it trough.

There no longer is a me, without him.

'It's going to be better'.

I believed him. I truly did. It's not easy, he makes it worth it.

**Chapter six:**

Unlove you.

I fell in a perfect way, never had a choice to make.

Crashed into his tidal wave.

I can't unlove him, no matter how I try, I really wish he knew what he's doing to me.

It's been three days since I left, I'm not really far because I'm staying at Liam's house, I had nowhere to go so his mom afford me to stay in the guest room. She told my mom it would be good for me, I thinks their in a fight now, because of me. I only cause trouble.. four days until school starts.

It's starting to get dark outside.

'Chelsea?'.

'Yes, Liam?'.

'Would you come with me? I want to show you something'.

I walked towards him as he took my wrist and led me to his backyard.

'What did you wanna show?'

'Lay down'.

Then I saw the blanket he laid on the ground. I lay down on it as he lay next to me.

'Do you see the stars? It's such a great vieuw from here'.

'It's beautiful Liam', I didn't know what to say nor what to expect.

'I know you feel it to, you can't deny what you feel inside'.

This I sure didn't expect, I feel shocked. It's like I don't have a tongue, I can't say a thing.

'You don't have to say a thing', as if he looked directly trough my thoughts.

'I'm not afraid', he said.

'I can feel you everywhere I go'.

'Some people say it'll never happen, were just wasting time'.

'But good things come when you least expect them, you know, so I don't really care'.

I just listened. He's so wise, perfect. Just perfect.

'I know we'll be together, and I'm not just saying that'.

'I need you to remember, always remember, no one else can tell us who we are, so don't ever stop listening to your heart, cause I can't turn mine off'.

'But I can't pretend that this is a rehearsal for the real thing, because it's not, I know were young but I can't stop what I'm feeling'.

'Something's are just ment to be, and they'll be there when the time is right'.

He made me feel so complete, I wish I could tell him how much I cared, that I felt the same. I just couldn't.

But he seemed to understand, for the first time someone seemed to understand what I was going trough while not even knowing what was going on, just a look in my eyes was enough for him. As we lay there it got colder, darker, I got closer to him until I was an inch away from his eyes, finally our lips met. The soft tender kiss and his perfect formed lips made me feel like I was reborn. He made me feel alive.

'How can I make you mine?', he asked.

'I already am'.

'Good'.

He kissed me again, as I felt a million butterflies go trough my stomach.

'Your perfect Liam Payne'.

'I love you too Chelsea Van der Woodsen', he knew just the right things to say.

**Chapter seven: **

Keep holding on.

Summers almost over and schools starting in a matter of days, so Liam decided I'd meet up with his band mates considering I haven't made any particular friends besides Liam.. though he reveres to me as his girlfriend when the first guy asked my name.

'Liam.. you've did yourself a pretty good job mate!', 'I'm Harry, by the way', I shake his hand and reply: 'I'm Chelsea'.

They all seem pretty nice, Liam is defiantly the most intellectual.. and the fittest.

I went in to the kitchen to make a cup of tea, Louis followed me inside.

'So you fancy Liam eh?', he asked looking quite worried.

'I guess, why? What's up?', I didn't really know what to say so I must've looked confused.

'Nothing, don't worry I was just wondering'.

'Louis are you hitting on my soon to be wife?', Liam joked while walking in.

'Very funny mister', I replied with a soft smile giving him a kiss.

'Oh please you lovebirds, not in front of me! My eyes cant take that! I'm only nineteen I shouldn't be confronted with this sort of stuff!', Louis must be the joker. Although it seems Zayn likes to crack a joke quite often as well. Then you have Niall, he finds everything fascinating and funny. How I'd love to be like that.

Liam pretty much is the stillest of them all.. I like that about him, in somewhat way I look up to him. I can't believe were actually together. How happy his mom will be when she'll find out, I think Liam is going to mention it tonight when we'll have dinner. I miss Jennifer, suddenly it hits me. I haven't spoken to her since I left, I know that's not a long time ago but still she's my sister, she hasn't even called to see if I'm okay. Maybe something happened? I should probably text her..

'Chel? Are you okay? You seem a little pale', Liam asked me looking concerned.

'It's nothing, I'm fine', that probably sounded far to weak for him to believe.

'Are you sure?', he looked at me while frowning.

'Yes Liam, I'm sure!'.

'Yeah Liam, the lady says she's sure, why don't you leave her alone!', Harry joked.

He seemed to buy it, gladly. I didn't want to stuff him up with my concerns.

Liam's mates had to leave as dinner was about to get served by Lane, they didn't want to stay for dinner because they weren't feeling like pizza. Weird boys.

I went to the toilet when I overheard Liam talking to Harry, I know it was wrong of me to eavesdrop.. but I just couldn't resist.

'So you guys already, you know?', Harry asked, I'm not quite sure what he's referring to?

'You mean.. oh no we haven't', Liam replied, what are they talking about?

'Well you better tonight, she's totally hot you wouldn't wanna miss out on that, you know were becoming really famous so it's not like you guys will last so you might as well just do her haha', he thinks that's funny? Is that his kind of humour or does he maybe mean it? He's right though. We won't last, already there are probably a gazillion girls who fancy him. He won't stick with me, what have I got myself into. Before I knew it I stormed out as they both looked at me shocked, obviously they could tell I overheard them, I ran out the kitchen which led me to the backyard where the other boys were waiting for Harry. Stupid douchebags.

'Are you ok?', Zayn asked concerned. I just nodded and walked away trying to avoid eyecontact. I could hear Liam shouting my name, I started to run, run away from this all.

**Chapter eight:**

More than anyone.

So many people gonna say that they want you, need you, care about you, but at the end..

He hasn't even done anything wrong, Liam I mean. But still it feels like he cheated on me.

Love only leads to this sort of pain, I'm so stupid for falling for him.

'Chelsea..'. Liam, great.

'I..I.. Harry was just joking around.. You know I'm not like that'.

'That's the point, everything is just a joke to you, I don't blame you, your just another teenage boy and I'm just another crush. But I cant handle this right now. I'm sorry Liam, I'll pack my things and be gone'.

'No please, don't say that, you know that's not the truth'.

'How long is it we've met? Trust me, you'll find someone else that's worth it'.

'But your worth it, Chelsea, I would go trough hell for you, and if you can't see that that's too bad for you but I'm not gonna give up on us, we can build trough this destruction, Chelsea I promise I'll follow trough with every word you say and all you really want is me to stick around right? I wouldn't want anything else then be together with you all the time, forever '.

Forever cant be long enough for me. Together cant be close enough for me.. He's so hypnotic on my heart, it's seriously these reeling emotions that keep me alive, otherwise I'd be dead already.

'Liam, I'm not saying goodbye, I just cant right now'.

'I'll wait for you, as long as it takes'.

I smiled at him and gave him a final kiss, I could feel he ment it, maybe it would only take a month but maybe it took up years. That same day I packed my stuff, I had enough money to take a plane. I just didn't know where I was going. I took a cab to the airport, when I arrived I got a text from Jennifer. I felt relieved because I now was assured she was fine.

'**Chelsea, I miss you, things need to go back to how they were, mom is devastated. You need to come home, please'.**

I didn't know what to text her back at first, I missed her as well, but I needed time off so I texted her:

'**I miss you to sis, I just need to figure things out for myself, I'll see you on your nineteenth birthday'. **

Her birthday had just passed two months ago, so I figured I'll have enough time for myself, I'll turn seventeen in a month.. but this will be good for me.

I didn't know where to go to, to be honest. I didn't wanna go on another plane trip so I just took another cab to New York. I've seen so many new faces these couple weeks, but non I actually know. In New York it'll be the same.

If nothing chances, nothing chances, wish me luck.

**Chapter nine:**

Time's up.

**P.O.V Liam****:**

Love is like a train, we wait for it even when it's gone. It's been seven months since the last time I saw Chelsea. She's still on my mind everyday, I cant seem to reach her on her phone.

Everything's been a mess since she's gone, my vocals were awful, we ended 3rd on the X Factor. But honestly I don't care. It just feels like I'm no longer complete without her.

This love of ours, is just so sad. It's hard to say but it looks like the end. I don't think she'll ever come back. I've spoken to her sister a couple times, she said she'll be here for her birthday. But she hasn't spoken to her either. Rebecca blames my mom for her being gone, they haven't said a word to each other since Chelsea left.

**P.O.V Chelsea:**

It's been seven months since the last time I saw and spoken to Liam.

I miss him, I made a lot of friends here and have a great job and I'm sharing a apartment with my college mates, I did a master degree so I'm kinda done with school.

But I feel like I'm ready, ready to go back to reality, basically I just ran away. I don't only miss Liam, I miss my mom and Jennifer as well.

I feel reborn, I feel great actually. I spoke to my again so cald dad. He was in town for business. He acted like nothing was wrong in front of everyone. He asked if I wanted to grab a coffee. I took a break on my work and I went with him. I had nothing to lose, as long as we were in a crowded place I wasn't scared of him anymore. I needed to know what he had to say. I remember the conversation as if it is happening right now even tough it was yesterday. It's in graphed inside of me.

'_So, what you been up to? Where are Jennifer and Rebecca?'_

'_That's non of your business, is there anything important you want to tell me? Like why you raped that girl and killed her afterwards and why you hit mom as if it was normal?', I tried to stay calm, I just couldn't. _

'_Would you keep it down? Look, I already told you I had nothing to do with that girl, and your mom, she simply deserved it'. _

_He's such an ignorant bastard, I really hate him no. Funny how love and hate relate so well._

'_You're an animal, a beast, your not my father'._

'_I am, look how strong you've grown.. you're a women now, your mom was never like that, she's weak, you got that ability of growing strong out of things from me'._

_How dare he say something like that?_

'_I wish they locked you up, how could they believe your pathetic lies, it makes me sick'._

'_Oh well sweetheart, I'm just to good to be true aren't I', he was enjoying my disgust for him. _

'_Do you still cry yourself a sleep? Thinking how it would've been if you had a different father? I know you used to do that when you were younger, it was hilarious!'. _

'_Trust me, they where there but now the well has run dry, you got me in deep yeah, I sat on feelings that I buried deep down. I knew there come a day our pads would cross, and I'm glad it's today cause I'm strong now. And actually happy to, and I can thank myself for that, cause if it where up to you I'd still be in my bed crying. I know that makes you sad. After all the things you put me trough, I'm finally getting over you. The bitterness wont ever pass, but I wish you the best with your further disgusting life, bye'._

**Chapter ten: **

It's alright, it's ok.

'Chelsea? Oh my god! Where have you been! Why haven't you answered any of my calls! I was so worried!', my sister yells while she almost squeezes me to death.

'I talked to him'.

'What? You did what? Where did you go, where were you? I missed you so much! Mom is gonna be so glad your back'.

'Jennifer? Who are you talking to?'.

'MOM! Chelsea is back!'.

I just stood there smiling, I truly was happy.

My mom entered the living room with a plate in her hand, which she dropped when she saw me.

She hugged me and started crying, without saying a word.

Once they both calmed down, we sat down over a cup of tea, I told them everything, every little detail. I could tell from their faces they were proud. I still don't understand how they could leave it all behind so easily, but I'm glad I'm at that point as well. There was just one thing left.. Liam. Although I must thank his mom as well. But first, I have to see if he kept his promise.

'Chel? Is that you? No way! Where have you been! I mean, I knew you were taking so time off but seven months! I went trough hell without you!'.

'Which means you kept your promise.. I really missed you, you know'.

'Ofcourse I did.. I can't even describe how I felt, sit down, you have to tell me everything! Oh and you have to meet someone'.

I felt weird, he didn't bother even giving me a kiss or hug.. he was different, this wasn't the reaction I was hoping for I guess. But still, I'm glad we can be together now, we have a lot of time to catch up.

'Liam? Who is that?', a girl with beautiful blonde hair walked in, I've never seen her before. Please don't tell me that this is his girlfriend. Please don't tell me our love was fake. Please god. It feels like my heart is ripped apart, I suddenly feel a heavy weight on my chest.

'Scarlet, meet Chelsea!', Liam didn't seem to understand my confusion.

'Hi, it's nice to meet you in living person! Liam told me all about you', yeah like how I was his ex, how he hated me for leaving? How he just played me?

'Chelsea, this is my niece Scarlet!', his niece? What a sick pervert!

'She's just visiting today, is everything okay? Scarlet could you maybe leave us alone for a while? We have a lot to catch up to!', I'm so stupid, I still can't seem to trust Liam, I feel bad for having him wait so long for me, and I'm still not trusting him completely. I love him, I do, I love him so much it hurts. If I could only tell him. I would die inside if he would leave me.

Liam leaned in for a kiss, the chemistry between us right now was incredible. We heard Scarlet yelling she went shopping or something and then we heard the door open and close. So now it's just us two.. no one else.

Liam lifted me up as we went to his bedroom.

How do you love someone without getting hurt and making it last, without tripping on the past? I think I finally figured out, you make the most out of it, you love unconditionally, and you life without fear for shedding a tear.

**Chapter eleven:**

Won't go solo.

'I wrote you a song you know', he told me after I told him everything that happened in the past seven months. Were still laying on his bed side to side, holding hands, sharing a kiss now and then and looking into each others eyes.

'Sing it for me then', he's so romantic.

'I wrote it when you were gone, it describes how I felt at that moment'.

'I wrote you one to', my singing isn't the best, but its reasonable. I did actually write a song for Liam. It also described how I felt back then, how afraid I was.

He started moaning and as soon as he started singing I listened with attention, besides of the fact it sounded beautiful, you could still hear the pain in his voice. I felt bad for him, I caused that pain which makes it only worse, how could he still love me?

_It's in your eyes, feelings can't be disguised  
'Cause the truth ma__kes me want you to tell me lies  
My biggest fear is crying oceans of tears  
I would rather you not be so sincere_

How cold could you be  
What would you do if you were me  
I'm better off if it's a mystery

'Cause I don't want to know  
If I kissed your lips for the last time  
Please don't say if it's so  
Tell my heart it's not goodbye  
And do this one thing for me  
It's alright, keep your truth and tell me lies

Something's not right, love is nowhere in sight  
I'm not ready to let go, it's not time  
How cruel could you be  
Don't say we're through, least not to me  
I'm better off, leave it a mystery

I cried tears as I kissed him.

'Your turn'.

'How do you mean?'.

'You wrote a song you said, sing it'.

At first I wanted to protest, but I at least owe him that one.

_When you say that you w__ant me I just don't believe it_

But what if I need you  
Would you even try to save me  
Or would you find some lame excuse  
To never be true, what if I said I love you  
Would you be the one to run to  
Or would you watch me walk away without a fight

So sick of worrying  
That you going to quit over anything  
I could trip and you'd let go like that  
And everything that we could be  
Seems to fade but not the hurt  
'Cause I don't know the good things from the bad

When I say that I want you, you know that I mean it  
And in my hour of weakness there's still time to try  


_Cause what if I need you._

I could tell from his eyes he was trying to keep his tears back as well as I just couldn't.

He told me I wouldn't have to worry, he loved me no matter what.

He kissed me passionately, I can't hold it anymore. He makes my mind turn from emotional to dirty in a matter of seconds. He is just so perfect and sexy.

As he leaned in for another kiss I bit on his lip and climbed on top of him. I wanted to place my hands all over him, he seemed to have te same idea as I felt his hands sliding from my hipbones to my chest. I kissed him again, and again as I pulled his shirt off. He has such an amazing muscular body, it makes me go crazy, not having seen him for seven months defiantly made an impact. I could se his eyes glister in the dark as he pulled of my top.

He was just so beautiful, I'll spare you the rest though.

I fell asleep in his arms, happier than I've ever been before.

**Chapter twelve:**

Care.

Last two weeks have been amazing, Liam's always around, I've also been hanging around with the boys more often, today is their big day.. the X Factor final. A part of me is really proud to be with such a talented and great guy, and I hate myself for now wanting him to win. I know, it sounds stupid. I don't deserve him, I guess I'm just still scared that he'll become totally famous and forget about me. Despite this feeling I'm having I obviously voted for them a gazillion times, he deserves to win, ofcourse he does, they all do.

The show will start within two hours, just enough time for me to get ready, I need to look absolutely gorgeous tonight. Liam always looks at his best when he's on stage, it suits him, he always looks so happy.

I put on my nude high heels, a little black dress with a gold zipper all the way to the top and a nude blazer just in case it'll be cold. I leave my hair for what it is, wavy brown, I have an ombre coupe. I think it looks nice with my blue eyes. I never really was a confident girl, but with Liam I feel at my best, beautiful, no matter how I look.

Once I got arrived Liam couldn't take his hands of me nor stop complimenting me on how beautiful I looked tonight. I could tell he was really nervous, I tried to calm him down a little.

'Liam, no matter what happens tonight, you have made it this far. Please, just be yourself. There was this one person who once told me that nobody else can tell us who we are, so you have to listen to your heart. And if this is what you want, pour your heart in it, more than you've ever done before, that way, even if you guys don't make it, you know you gave your all and you won't regret a thing'.

'You sound like you have experience, thanks for the pep talk. Even though just seeing you already pepped me up', he said while smiling. I could feel his nerves took off quite a bit.

Everybody performed great tonight, and as one direction came up for their last performance I couldn't take my eyes of Liam, I was sitting in the front of the audience. I could see his eyes searching for me, when our eyes met he winked at me and I put up my thumb.

'He winked at me! Ohmygod he totally winked at me!', I could hear a couple girls scream.

As Liam started singing he kept looking at me, I tried not to cry but that song, that one song described everything I went trough. It's exactly how I felt back then, so I let them run, it felt as if I cries oceans of tears. I didn't want Liam to think something happened so I smiled at him and gave him a kiss hand.

The girls next to me looked as if I was totally mad, if they only knew.

After one direction performed we had a short break, afterwards the final two would be announced.

'You did great!', I said while giving him a hug.

'How about us then?', Niall said with a sad expression.

'You all did great I ment to say!'.

'Thanks hun, we'll just have to wait and see..', Harry said while taking a sip of his water.

'Chel, could I talk to you for a second?', Liam said, I wasn't sure what he wanted to talk about so I just replied with a sure you can.

'Oh so, we call that talking now don't we? In that case I also want to talk to you Chel!', Louis yelled while Liam took me by the wrist and led me to their changing room, what a joker.

'So why were you crying?', Liam asked while looking concerned.

'Oh that, well it's just back in the days that song ment a lot to me and you sang it so beautifully you left me no choice but to cry', I said playfully while running my hand over his chest and biting on my lip.

'Don't do that! You know I cant resist that', with that we heard an announcement everybody had to get on stage.

'Too bad..', I said while giving him a kiss, I could see he longed for more, but that just had to wait.

'_Rebecca Ferguson__'._

I feel the adrenaline rush trough my veins when I hear him say that name, only one spot left. The faces of the guys from one direction are indescribable, you have to see it for yourself, they look miserable.

'_And the final act who still makes a chance to win this years X Factor is…'._

Just say it already, goddamn.

'Matt Cardle'.

What happened next, I cant explain. I couldn't hear the boo's and the yeah's any longer, everything seemed to be so far away. Everything moved in slow motion, I could see the guys hugging each other, looking doomed, Liam's eyes were starting to get wet, I could see Niall and Harry crying and Zayn obviously couldn't handle it as well. They congratulated Matt and Rebecca and went backstage. I needed to get to Liam, gladly I was familiar with the bodyguards.

They all looked like little children that just got to hear their big dream is crushed, they were shipwrecked. I tried to cheer 'm up but nothing seemed to work.

They all just had to wait until the winner was announced and afterwards their was an after party, but Liam didn't seem to be up for it.

Rebecca sang beautiful but Matt defiantly was my favourite, he was just so different, I liked his voice.

I truly did feel sorry for Liam and his mates, I hated seeing him this way but they'll get signed by Simon anyways. But it ment a lot for them, though I think being third is an amazing achievement.

The moment was there, the winner was going to be announced.

'_And the winner of X Factor 2011 is..'._

Come on, say it.

'_Matt!'. _

You could here everybody cheer around us, the boys were already in a better mood then before. I was so happy for Matt! Yet I hated seeing the boys hurt, they'll get over it their strong.

**Chapter thirteen:**

What's wrong with me.

The guys didn't wanna miss out on the party so we still went to it, my guess is they just wanted to get really drunk. I couldn't find Liam at the party, he hasn't spoken that much in the car either so I got worried.

I went looking for him outside and there he sat, lying in the grass, watching at the stars. You could still hear all the noise and the music coming from the house.

I laid next to him and asked him how he felt.

'I guess I feel alright'.

'Please, I know you better then that, but Liam as you performed it was beautiful, and remember what I said? If you don't make it trough you don't have to feel bad cause you gave your all'.

'You don't understand, it's not just that we didn't win, it's everything together. Do you sincerely never think of me? Do you know how it felt waiting for you seven months long? I knew I said I would, but you haven't even asked me how I got trough it. And you just show up out of the blue.. it just doesn't work like that, and still it feels like you hold back. I'd stay up till four in the mourning just crying about you. And now, I give you all of me I handed over everything that I got because I want to have a really true love, I don't want to go and give you up. I truly wanted to make it worth the fight I was having with myself. You said you'll come back when your ready, I waited so long Chelsea. You told me everything would change when you'll get back, but this, this is letting me down, I mean it's just not fair. It still doesn't feel complete, you have to give me more. I want you, I need you to give me everything and nothing less. Because I don't want to feel this way, you know. It hurts a lot when letting sink in. I mean, come on, what actually have we been doing for all this time? You and me Chelsea.. I thought it'd be like that, but I can see us dying. Are we?

With those last words it felt like he was killing me form inside. I was gasping for air as tears ran over my cheeks. He was right. How could I be that selfish? I was so caught up with myself I couldn't handle him, what he must've been trough for me, and still he's right I can't hand him over everything. But yet I can't live without him, and I can't lose him.

'I'm sorry'.

Seriously? After all he just said that's all I can say? I'm sorry? Ofcourse I am, but seriously?

Come on now, be strong, you can do this.

'That's just it.. I need more, I can't feed on that'.

He didn't even look me in the eye, he always looks me in the eye, when I looked over at him he looked ass if he had a couple too much of drinks. He didn't seem like himself, but then again maybe I was just telling myself that so it wouldn't hurt as much as it did.

My tears were flooding now. I honestly couldn't stand up to what he just had said.

'I'm sorry Liam! I am! But I don't want you to leave me. We'll figure it out!', I stumbled out.

'You know what crying won't get your sorry ass outta this! I'm getting sick and tired of your wimpy ass bullshit, I don't want no part of you shitty-pitty me bit? Why don't you go find a new toy I no longer give a shit what you do! I'm sick of your crap so you can stop all that yapping and shut the fuck up I had enough of you. I hate you so why don't you get THE FUCK OUT OF MY LIFE!

I've never seen him like this before. He seemed not only angry, he was just laughing it off, but he also seemed aggressive. I just wanted to get out of there, but I was in complete shock or trans. I couldn't move until suddenly I felt a hard clap and everything turned black.

**Chapter fourteen:**

Tell me why.

I wake up in the dead of night. It's freezing, I try to remember what happened. Suddenly it all hits me. I relief it all. I hoped it just was a bad dream.

I put of my heels and start running in the dept of night while my lonely tears are falling as I just want to get out of this so called life. The battle is over, I have has lost. I don't want this, I don't wanna life in a war. I have tried enough, I want out. Away from him, I simply want to be away from him, away from all the drama. I'm so alone. I don't even know where I am, I cant remember where my purse is with my phone. And I don't know how far away I am from home, I'm literally freezing. Stitches in my heart. Love has gone to far, again. I stand in the cold, but what does it matter? Everything is breaking between us. But is get scared in the silence and the dark. No one warned me what happens at the end, no one told me that I'd lose so easily. No one warned me what I'd do to me, no one told me it'll hurt this bad. Much too much risks it were to begin with. Its my own fault. Why has he done this to me. Why did I keep on trying? Am I under a curse? Why did I trust him.. believe every word he said. I've figured out that I hate love already, but I hate to love him even more. Now that it's over I feel betrayed, he's gone. Why does life seem to have a reply button, but no delete? Everything's an ass, I feel like shit. The beginning was beautiful but it's not worth the crazy hurt. I had a choice, I wanted to love back, too late to go back now. I don't want to forgive anymore I just want to continue life, but not this so called life I live right now. No heavenly purchase, it will still die slowly.

I'm standing on the edge of a cliff, I just don't know what more to give.

'Chelsea! What are you doing!', I heard a car stop and that voice, that one voice I knew all to well yelled at me what I was doing? Has he completely lost his mind?

'Look come over here so we can talk about it', talk? He wants to talk?

'Do you know Liam, how it feels like loving someone who's in a rush to throw you away?', I say sounding calmer then ever while turning to him still standing on the edge.

'Please, I didn't ment those things I said! The guys and I had some pill just for fun I didn't know it would work like that! I love you, I would never walk away on you'.

'Not even when you slammed me in the face, after telling me how full of shit I was and I should get the fuck out of your life, not even when you WALKED AWAY ON ME, leaving me to die?', I take one step backwards, I feel free, powerful. I finally have control over my own life.

'Chelsea I'm so sorry! I can only be me when I'm around you, don't let me fall'.

'Well.. you actually got me thinking, maybe if I closed my eyes forever it'll ease the pain. Maybe I'm addicted, out of control. Then you must be the drug, you were the only reason for me to stay alive. Maybe my rehab is death. I'm not afraid of dying, I'm afraid of losing you. But I already did. I'm sorry Liam, you cant be the hero in this story. You cant save my soul anymore tonight'.

'Then let me be, let me be your hero tonight. I can kiss away your pain, and I will stand by you forever. I would die for you'.

'I love you', I feel the rush go trough me as I escape, escape it all. I told him I loved him, and now I was free. Free to go. It was good, it was bad, but it was real. I left knowing how to love someone and I got Liam to thank for that, and this time it's my turn to wait for him, and I will, because someone special once told me somethings just are ment to be, and they'll be there when the time is right.


End file.
